reCHARGE® Your Life

Ep41: Stephanie Hutchins, PhD reCHARGED

September 15, 2021 Dr. Keri Ohlrich & Kelly Guenther
reCHARGE® Your Life
Ep41: Stephanie Hutchins, PhD reCHARGED
Show Notes Transcript

Stephanie M. Hutchins, PhD starts off our chat with one of her favorite mantras: “30 years of adventure rather than 100 years in the corner”. 100% yes!

Stephanie shares her intensely personal story about her trauma and how it has shaped her life. She experienced trauma early on in her childhood and then, in her 20’s, she slipped into a dark hole after she found her significant other dead. She could barely get out of bed or shower. Through her mother's coaching and support Stephanie started to set small goals for herself, like get out of bed and take a shower. Those small goals led to her going to school, getting her PhD and starting her own coaching practice to help others recover from and thrive after trauma. 

She shares her insights and her advice: People have to want to change their story. You can start that path with small goals. And, be patient with yourself on your journey.

Author of Transformation After Trauma: Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth, Dr. Hutchins helps individuals overcome trauma and cope with stress. She is a Certified Life Coach, Stress Management Coach, Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and Yoga Instructor. She also owns Serotinous Life, a company that helps individuals overcome stressful and traumatic events.  

Dr. Hutchins taught about the human body as a college professor for 12 years, and the capabilities of the mind and body continue to fascinate her. She guides others in harnessing the power of their mind and body to overcome tremendous hardship brought on by the inevitable stresses of life. She combines yoga principles, her knowledge of the human body, and her healing journey to empower others with tools to fuel massive personal and professional growth.

Connect with Dr. Hutchins to learn more about her and her background:

Sign up for our newsletter at https://abbraccigroup.com/. Please subscribe, leave a review and tell your friends about our podcast. Learn more about the CHARGE® model by purchasing the book, The Way of the HR Warrior. Let us know about the moments for you that changed your life trajectory. Drop us a note via our website. 

Keri [00:00:12] Welcome to the reCHARGE®, Your Life podcast with me, Dr. Keri Ohlrich and Kelly Guenther, we are thrilled to talk to people who have made a decision that reCHARGE® their lives often. They push themselves out of their comfort zones and took risks. We want to know about that decision point. Why did they make that decision? And most importantly, how can we learn from them? Kelly and I are passionate HR professionals and together we co-founded our HR consulting firm Abbracci Group. We have talked to amazing people throughout our careers and listen to them as they made decisions that changed their lives and knew that these inspirational stories would help others. And why did we call it reCHARGE®? It's based on a book I coauthored called The Way of the HR Warrior. And in it we have a leadership model CHARGE which stands for courage, humility, accuracy, resiliency, goal oriented and exemplary. We know that people used one or more of these qualities to help them make their decisions, and we want to learn from them. Now sit back, listen and be inspired by these stories and then do something to reCHARGE® your life. Let's get to it. 

Kelly [00:01:18] Hi, everyone. It's Kelly. We're so honored to have Dr. Stephanie Hutchins is our special guest. Dr. Hutchins, author of Transformation after Trauma Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth helps individuals overcome trauma and cope with stress. She is a certified life coach, stress management coach, neurolinguistic programing practitioner and yoga instructor. She also owns Serotinous Life, a company that helps individuals overcome stressful and traumatic events. Dr. Hutchins talked about the human body as a college professor for 12 years, and the capabilities of the mind and body continue to fascinate her. She guides others in harnessing the power of their mind and body to overcome tremendous hardship brought on by the inevitable stresses of life. Dr. Hutchins combines yoga principles, her knowledge of the human body and her healing journey to empower others with tools to fuel massive personal and professional growth. Dr. Hutchins, we're so excited to have you on our podcast today. We always like to start by asking what show, podcasts, book or blog do you go to when you want to push yourself and expand your thinking? 

Stephanie [00:02:26] Well, first, thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here today, and I am an avid consumer of personal and professional development books and audio. But there is in the late Jim Rohn is somebody I always go to his work when I'm meeting, just any kind of pick me up or shift in perspective or just make sure I'm on the right track. And I have a lot of different ways that I access his materials. I have some favorite YouTube recordings, a number of his books. But for your listeners who want to know my favorite Jim Rohn Resource, there's a compilation compilation of some of his best work and The Ultimate Jim Rohn Library. And so what I do is any time I'm needing maybe a shot of inspiration or maybe guidance, what I do is I go to that book and I listen to it on Audible and I'll go to the chapter that I'm just, I guess, wanting some insight or reminders on. So I might go to the finance chapter or I might go to the one on goal setting or developing character, just really whatever I'm looking for. But he's he's I consider him even though he's he's passed away. I consider him one of my greatest mentors, actually. 

Keri [00:04:00] Thank you, Stephanie, for joining us and thank you for sharing. Tell me more about Jim Rohn. I'm not sure he's on my radar or it's something that hasn't stuck with me. So tell me a little bit about his background and why he was such a mentor to you. I'd love to know more. 

Stephanie [00:04:15] Yeah. So, Jim, Rohn is considered a business philosopher. And how I got to know him is because a lot of the, you know, current personal and professional development, I hate to use the word guru, but like Tony Robbins and the like, I, I as I listen to them, I continue to hear the name Jim Rohn come up and and like over and over. I continue to hear the same people talk about how Jim Roh  influenced them in their life and their business. And so that's how I you know, I just I just looked him up and I youtu by, like, going to YouTube because I like to see videos of people and and listen to the audio. And and he really he contributed to the field of of business for. Oh, probably. I mean, you know, over 40 years, probably even more than that. And and he just he developed a lot of just it's almost some of it is I guess, you know, like nothing too profound in many ways. But the way he put things together and just really makes you think and and really it's he's caused me to really think about, like designing my life for me, because if you don't so we're going to talk about what's been really important in my life, which has been goal setting. And in that's a really big part of his teaching is setting goals. And like, if you don't design your path, somebody else is going to design it for you and they probably don't have much in store for you. So if you really want to have an exceptional life or one that you can be proud of or at least enjoy, then you've got to take the reins and you know the control of your life and and really set goals for the future. And I've really taken it to heart in all aspects of my life and and in my business. And that's my goal setting, you know, influences all aspects of it. And when I'm needing to set new goals or just reinforce certain ones, it's his practices that I always go back and listen to to make sure I'm on track.

Keri [00:06:38] I can't wait to get more to goal setting because I don't know. That's exciting model. Stephanie, it would be more of a perfect podcast's guest. You're like, let me just sprinkled goal setting right at the end of it. What? So you said you go to him for shots of inspiration. What's maybe kind of the top couple? So I feel like, Stephanie, it's like when you want to listen to music and you go to a couple jams to get you go in, what are some like just one or two of the ones that you're like? I always go to this and I feel so much better. So what's it about? And how does it make you feel better? 

Stephanie [00:07:13] Well, like he has a I'm just going to paraphrase one of his quotes, but I like to listen to the sections of his books and audio where he talks about how it's better to live 30 years full of adventure than one hundred years safe in the corner. And, you know, like my my coaching practice and my book are all based on trauma and people have experienced trauma and how to move forward. And what's interesting is that many people, they they're scared of taking risks because they don't want to get hurt. And and it's not like I you know, I want to be hurt. But the the more we try to protect ourselves from harm and from maybe negative feedback from people, you know, the the less chances we're going to have to experience beautiful things in life. You know, protecting us from the bad also prevents us from experiencing the good in life. And those are some of his messages that he's constantly saying is that is that we have to take a risk, because if not, then we're going to be missing. You know, we're going to be missing out. And so that's one thing I always look for. And it's I also look at his messages about really just making a plan for your life, because if you don't have a plan, then what are you aiming for? You're just sort of meandering through your days and throughout your life. And at the end of it, you're likely going to end up with regrets. And so, you know, other, like, paraphrased quotes that I have that I really love is, you know, you're you're always going to suffer pain. You're either going to suffer the pain of discipline. Or you're going to suffer the pain of regret and so you're going to suffer pain no matter what. So you might as well choose the pain of discipline that it takes to move forward to reaching your goals rather than looking back on your life in that rocking chair and just looking back on all that you missed out on by not trying.

Keri [00:09:20] I the 30 years of adventure, you'd rather have that hundred years of the corner. I just I'm going to say that one all the time. So thank you for that. I'm just going to say that and in fact, it came up in a conversation that I had with my husband on our on our walk, and he said the same. But in a funny way, he said, I just read that eating hot dog. Every time you eat a hot dog, it reduces your life by thirty five seconds. And I said, well, being from Chicago, that's fine by me because I've enjoyed Chicago hot dogs. And if I lose a couple hours of my life, I think I'm OK. 

Stephanie [00:09:56] And you know, isn't it all about that balance, you know, like we don't want to excel at we don't want to accelerate the process like crazy necessarily. But but we do want to enjoy moments along the way, like and that's what little risks can, you know, not being you know, we don't want to be reckless, but but we want to take small risks because because we you know, with that little risk, we do get a lot of times benefit from it, even if it is temporary, you know, from from little treats we may experience. 

Keri [00:10:31] But it's so true. And I really appreciate the I like the suffer. You're going to suffer pain no matter what. So do you want it? I often say, do you want it early or late? Which is the kind of idea if you suffer pain early, it's the discipline, it's the planning. It's maybe ironing out conflicts before you before they become a big conflict. So you're taking that pain up front versus at the end, which is like you said, that because you regretted it or because the implementation was poor, because you didn't plan ahead or you didn't have a goal. So I can see why you really go to him for inspiration. Like you said that just the way he says it, the way kind of gives you that good, good, good catalyst. I was going to say kick in the pants, but good catalyst pads. All right. Would you need it to remind yourself? Really appreciate it. 

Stephanie [00:11:19] Absolutely. And and yeah, it's just a nice reminder sometimes, too, to know that I'm on track, you know, and that's an affirmation that, OK, you're doing a good job. You're you're doing what you need to to progress forward. So so sometimes it's just a it's a good reminder. I'm doing a good job and sometimes it's that good kicking the seat that I needed to get moving forward. 

Keri [00:11:41] What so we'll get to the big question. I know. Oh, you're going to be I'm sure you have so many examples. You're going to have to just pick one for us. But what is the decision that you made in your life that changed the trajectory? And I think you're going to say goal setting is one of the CHARGE qualities that helped you make that. But what's one of the what's one of the main decisions, Stephanie? 

Stephanie [00:12:03] Well, it was sort of so let's keep in mind that, again, I do have a practice that focuses on on trauma. And so there's obviously a reason that I've chose to specialize in working with people who've experienced trauma, because I have experienced I have a long history of trauma. And in my mid twenties, I was I was really falling apart. I had found my significant other dead. And after that, I just sort of I literally just fell apart. I wasn't able to function. I wasn't working. I wasn't I wasn't able to work. I wasn't bathing. I wasn't just even taking care of myself. And I'm so fortunate that my mother was able to financially help me during that time when I wasn't able to work. But she went on for months and and I was really self destructing in many ways. And she finally put her foot down and said, enough is enough, Stephanie. You know, like you have to get help or I am not going to be able to support you any longer. And and that was it was really challenging for me, for her to say that. But what was interesting is that I spent a few days reflecting, partly being resentful. But after the resentment passed, I looked at it and where I was at in my life and looked at how I was self destructing and how I wasn't leaving my house for days and bathing for days. And I really asked myself, is this what I want for my future? You know, is this how I want to keep experiencing life? And and it was end in. So what I realized is that I didn't want to continue on this path and I needed to change. And so what I needed to do was will move in the exact opposite direction. I needed to pivot and and what's, you know, goal setting. Why it's so, so critical to me in all aspects of my life is because during this darkest moment, goal setting was hands down the most critical part of me getting out of this like a deep hole I was in. And so what I did is like, yes, I needed to get a job. Yes, I needed to do all sorts of things, but I couldn't do some of these things until I started practicing basic self care. So what I did each day is I decided each morning I was going to set small goals for myself. So the beginning of the day, I would say, OK, my goal for today is to shower or brush my teeth or take out the trash. And some people think like those in many ways, our little goals. But what they don't realize is for me, they were extremely challenging goals because I was at a point where I didn't even feel deserving of that basic self care and self love. But what was really interesting is that as I started to set those small goals for myself every day, I started to feel better every day. And as I started to feel better, I started to set a little bit bigger goals for myself. So I started to set goals of looking for a job and I'd set goals for continuing on with my education and so on and so forth. Like my goals started to get bigger and bigger as as I felt better and better. And it just ended up being a snowball effect that as I experienced these small wins over time, it just created momentum. And that's why I just I am a true believer of how important goal setting is into chunking down goals into just manner but manageable bite size pieces where you can experience those small wins and not get discouraged. And and so it really even though I had to reach a very extreme low point in my life to propel myself forward, it's been a beautiful, a beautiful journey since. And I mean, my goals got to the point where, you know, I finished my PhD and I traveled around the world and, you know, I started a business, I wrote a book. And, you know, and it's been really exciting, actually, to move from the time of just setting goals, of brushing my teeth and bathing to now experiencing life in a really beautiful way, actually. 

Keri [00:17:01] That we're going to get to goals because we can talk for hours about tonight and I'm going to calm myself down and what before. And thank you for sharing such a personal story. And yes, it makes sense that you went into trauma and meaning coaching and you're helping others. What before the trauma happened to you, what were you on the path more in a helping profession, or were you a stockbroker going to what was your major? What were you what were you thinking about before this all happened? 

Stephanie [00:17:33] Well, so so unfortunately, many of my traumas occurred at a at a young age. And and but I always knew that I wanted to be in a helping profession. And I just I always knew that I wanted I just wanted to help people and and people who are in pain and some kind of way. And when I graduated high school, my original plan was to be a chiropractor, actually. And so I started that journey. I actually was in chiropractic college for a few years. And in then I for a few reasons, decided that was not the path for me. And I left chiropractic college. And what's really interesting about that is, is I left I've made so many decisions like this in my life where people didn't understand the decision I made, but it actually was the best decision I ever could make. And so I made the decision to leave chiropractic college. And I literally I had no degree. I was I had was able to enter this doctorate program by finishing prerequisite courses. And so I was eighty thousand dollars in debt and I had like over 200 college credits, almost three hundred college level credits and no degree whatsoever. And I left. The field and wasn't exactly sure what my plan was going to be, I just knew that that was not the path I was meant to be on. And what was really interesting is that so all during when I first started to go to college, I was working in human services organizations, mostly working with individuals with disability or the aging population. And I was looking at programs that could utilize my credits. And ultimately I ended up finding a program that could a PhD program that could utilize many of my credits. And it was a PhD in Human Services, actually. And most of the programing, most of the courses I took were in Health Care and Human Services Administration because I had toyed with the idea of being like a hospital administrator, but I still wasn't sure. But what happened is we had these like in-person residencies that we were required to do. And in one of the residences, one of the instructors encouraged us to start adjunct to teach part time. And because that's part of the PhD field, is to give back to a body of knowledge and hear most. Everything I had learned was in the sciences. It was about the human body, because that's all the foundational stuff I learned in chiropractic, college and the Pyrex that I took. So I sat there and thought, well, I'm going for a Ph.D. in Human Services, but I really don't feel at this point qualified to teach Human Services. But I have a ton of knowledge on anatomy and physiology. And so I talked to some fellow students during that that experience and I talked to my instructors and they said, why don't you look for an adjunct position teaching anatomy and physiology? And so I did. And I looked and I was like, oh, my goodness, I don't actually I didn't have a degree. I well, I had gone on. I found some places I'm jumping a little bit, but I, I found an online school that was willing to work with me, to be able to finish my bachelor's and master's using credits that I had earned in a fairly short period of time. And so what I was able to do is utilize my knowledge that I learned in chiropractic college and use it to teach. So even though I didn't have a degree that said a degree in anatomy or physiology, I had the background and I had the confidence in the knowledge that I had and my ability to teach. And so I just I put myself out there for a job and I interviewed and luckily I I presented myself very well during the interview and I got my first shot at it and I found out I was really good at it, actually. And I just I ended up finding that I wanted to teach full time. And I approach the dean at that time of the college I was at and said I would like to apply to full time teaching jobs. Will you be a reference for me? And she said, yeah, I can do that, Stephanie, but why don't you just stay here? And I said, but there's not a full time job. And she said, we'll make one for you. And you know what's interesting is I just it just propelled me into over a decade of teaching about the human body. But as I started learning more about the human body in teaching about the human body, and I got stronger mentally and healing from my traumas, I started applying what I know have known about the human body and the resiliency of the human body and mind when stress is applied to it and started to realize that all of the trauma in my life did not actually destroy me, but it strengthened me and gave me a level of resilience. And I know resiliency is one of the components of your of your charge model. And it just I realized that I have an immense sense of resiliency and my traumas did not destroy me. And so I I started to want to share that message with other people that their traumas don't have to be the end of their life, but can be a new beginning. And so that's really the foundation of my coaching practice. And my book is to empower people to look at to really reframe their traumas and look at it differently and say, you know, they're not actually broken from their traumas. Actually, they're strong. Are in those broken places, you know, that that they there, you know, they have immense capabilities that they can move forward with now that they've had those, like, life experiences. And so, yeah, I've had a diverse amount of experiences to bring me to this point, but I wouldn't change a bit of it, you know. 

Keri [00:24:21] Well, because otherwise then you'd regret where you're at. So of course, we talk about that with quite a few people, if you like, where you're at, you really can't regret all the things that happened to get you there while you were talking. I was thinking because I'm glad you brought up resilience, because I was thinking about not everyone who goes through trauma. And I know you said you had the dark points and you're like, I had to set a goal to just brush my teeth and and and shower. But you did that and you set those goals and then you made bigger goals and bigger goals. And so I guess what is it? And this kind of gets into your book, too, I'm sure. But how how why were you different from others who can't bounce back from the trauma? And did you have because you mentioned something to about your resilience. And I thought maybe a little bit of sass, too, when you said people don't understand your decision, but you still did it like you left chiropractor's school. And where is that kind of resilience come from within you? And did you know it when you were younger, that you had some of it and then you just had to find it again or really nurtured, you know, as you got older? Where do you think that came from? 

Stephanie [00:25:34] Well, I think well, part of it is that so it's sort of a big question you ask, like, you know, how can some people essentially move forward after trauma and how do others how come others don't? And part of it, I think has to be and people who don't know me sometimes take this the wrong way, but and I don't mean any harm by it. But people have to want to change. I think that is like one of the most critical things of moving forward after trauma or any stressful experience. And so this is something I work with my clients with. And again, we've developed a great sense of trust by this point when I ask them this. But when people are cycling through their trauma and sort of staying in the place long, the same place for an extended period of time, maybe even years, I always have to ask them, what are they gaining by remaining a victim? And it's again, I'm like some people can be very put off by me asking that. But I always have to remind people I have a very you know, I have a very complex trauma history. And so I don't say that lightly. But what a lot of people don't realize is that there's a reason that people want to hang onto that story and they want to repeat it or they because maybe they got sympathy from it or maybe it makes it so that people pay attention to them now or it makes them significant in some way. There's usually if people dig down, there is some reason why they haven't moved forward. And there's a reason they're holding on to that story and not wanting to change that story, because that's what we ultimately have the power to change the narrative of our story. We may not be able to change the past, but we can change how we move forward, but we have to want to change it. And so I think that's fundamental. And and so that's part of it. But when you say I have a little bit of sass, that probably is true. Like I've always had a fighter in me. And part of me gets angry that so many times because a lot of times it was other people that hurt me and brought me down. And the fighter and me want to say, like, I'm not letting you win. Like, I'm not going to let you hold me back and prevent me from experiencing this life that I'm meant to experience. And so so I guess it was both. It was that I wanted to change, but I didn't want my past circumstances to have any more power over me. And so it was really about instead of me focusing on all that I have lost and all that I didn't have control over in the past, I started to focus over what do I have control over now? And and really it helped empower me and and in really in it does it it's all about being resilient and being able to bounce back. But I think we. I don't know if it's inherent or that it's learned, I guess I'm I'm not really sure where our resilience comes from. But I think sometimes we just have to want to bounce back. And I know sometimes beliefs come into that. People don't believe that they are strong enough to move forward. But that's where I'll say listening to a podcast in books and things like that are really significant for those people that don't feel they have it within themselves to move forward, they have to change that voice that's going on inside their head. So that's why listening to podcasts like this are extremely important, because if you have this cycle going through your mind of of just the past and about how you're never going to be able to move forward, you're just on replay of just really negative beliefs. And so you need to input into your mind a new set of beliefs. And that's why listening to audio and read reading books is really great for instilling a new belief pattern. And I feel that that can help people who want to move forward but don't know how to move forward, that they can start it, can empower them with the knowledge and sort of belief in themselves that they can move forward and begin with the baby steps. You know.

Keri [00:30:13] And I think to everything that you said, I'm just taking notes. I'm so excited. And that fighter in you and I think some people, to your point of listening to podcasts like this, and this is one of the reasons Kelly and I love to do this, is because we saw the power of the story so someone could see you, Stephanie, and go, oh, she's got it all. She had a great life. And look at her now, successful kind of thing. And they don't. And that's hard for them because maybe they have issues and they can't they don't know how to manage them because they see someone else and they just think, oh, everything's fine for them. And by unearthing these stories, by having other people listen to, oh, it was hard for that. Maybe I can do it. So maybe if I'm not inherently a fighter like you were, Stephanie, and say, no, you can't win, this helps them. The story helps them. And it needs to help them change the conversation. Because we have said consistently in our practice and I have said, what's that? It's it's giving you something by you being in a one down status in a victim or whatever it is, there's some kind of story that is helping you to tell. So if I'm always around bad bosses, I get to be the victim of it and go see I can advance because of this bad boss. And so analyzing that story and figuring out kind of what's in it for you is incredibly important. So thank you for the all of what you said. And I think you talked about goal setting and resiliency. And I'll jump to and you've given such great actions already, Stephanie. What are other actions that you'd want people to take to help them with trauma when they're making a decision? This is beautiful lessons you've already shared with us. What additional ones do you have, Stephanie, for our listeners? 

Stephanie [00:31:59] Well, I think I'd I'd say to be patient with yourself. You know, we we want so much when we when we want to change. We want everything to change right away, you know, and overnight and everything to be different right away. And I just life doesn't work that way. And so I think it's about being patient with yourself and the process and not pushing yourself faster or farther than you're ready to go. And so, like, you know, here, you know, a lot of people don't that see me today with my book and my business and my traveling and all that. They don't know necessarily my back story. And they don't realize that in order to get to this point, I had to do like the very basics that most people don't have problems with, you know, like the basic self care. And so you've got to meet yourself where you're at. And so maybe you want to do a pivot in your career. Maybe you want to go back to school, but maybe you can't do it in a huge leap that somebody else did it. You know, maybe you've got to take it a little bit different path, and that's OK. And that's where I think it's important if you're wanting to venture on a certain path of changing careers or increasing in your level in the company or in or going back to school, whatever it is of listening to podcasts and reading books and going and watching YouTube videos of people who are on a similar journey that you want to be on. But looking at how they approached it in different ways and seeing that there's not a one size fits all for a reaching different goals, that based on our past experiences, our pathway to getting to the same goal as somebody else. They may look very different. And so, again, it's about being patient with yourself on that particular journey that you need to take and your journey is never going to look the same as somebody else's. 

Keri [00:34:06] So, Stephanie, if I'm if I'm someone listening and I want to change jobs and you mentioned earlier that you have to have this target or goal and that helps you. So I'm in. I got it, Stephanie. I'm willing to do the work. I want to. I want to go. I want to change jobs. But that's a big that's a big one. That's like where do I start? How do you help people kind of figure out where do I start? How do I set a little goal and how? Because it seems so overwhelming for some people if they're if they naturally can't kind of break down tasks. What is your advice for where to start? Because I'm excited. I've listened to this podcast. I want to do something. Stephanie, where do I where do I start? 

Stephanie [00:34:44] Well, so so if you're wanting to change jobs, then it's about looking at, OK, look like literally going into I would suggest going right to Google and typing in, you know, jobs like what is it, what, you know, typing in the specific job or literally. Right. What is it take to be a you know, whatever executive director, you know, or CFO or whatever it may be or what does it take to be a medical doctor, whatever it may be, start at the beginning, like research. Like you have to know what is expected of you as far as knowledge base, education base, you know, just basic skills that you need to have. And so you have to have that knowledge. And so we have we have all sorts of information at our fingertips. And then once you have that knowledge of, OK, this is what is and I encourage people because I was advised students for so many years and they wanted a lot of them were returning back to school and they're wanting to change careers. And and so I would have them go and actually go to indeed or any job search engine in actually type in the job description that we're looking for the job title and look to see what employers were looking for and then seeing like, do they have that from their past experience? And if not, where can they start filling in the gaps? Do they actually need to go back to school or they can just fill it in with some professional development courses to gain the skills? You know, maybe they need to go and volunteer for an organization or maybe they can gain the skills without going back to school. Know. So it's about looking at what is expected and then taking that and saying, OK, this is the gaps. This is where I am currently, and these are the gaps that need to be filled for me to get to this place and and then looking at it. OK, what is one step that I can start today? OK, I need to gain the skill of financial management or HR, whatever it may be, some skill, conflict resolution, whatever it may be in looking for ways that you can gain those skills easily. And sometimes it doesn't require going to school. It can be listening to books and in just. That's what I recommend. 

Keri [00:37:18] Thank you so much, excellent advice. I really appreciate it. And I know, Kelly, I was thinking when Stephanie said of 30 years of adventure is better than the one hundred one hundred years in the quarter. And you've got to take those risks so you don't regret. I always think of you, Kelly, because those of those listeners who have who have heard of quite a few podcasts, we always poke at Kelly with being change adverse, which is funny because she teaches change management and helps others. So it's good, though, right? Because she knows what it's like to to not appreciate it. And yet she's the one who moves away, starts her own business, takes a ton of adventure and took a ton of risk. And so I just always think of you, Kelly, and the beautiful words that Stephanie has shared. And what's resonated with you so powerful? 

Kelly [00:38:03] Well, you know, my thanks to your mom for being so instrumental in saying, you know, I can't support you anymore if you're not willing to support yourself or get yourself out of this. So I have to believe she saw this in you, this fight and this drive. Is that true? 

Stephanie [00:38:20] Oh, it absolutely is. Her and I, we have a very special relationship and we've we've processed this together. And and she said she she hesitated very much. She struggled a lot with setting that boundary with me. But she felt I was in a place where I was ready to hear it like I had I, I just she could tell I was I was not happy with where I was at. And and I think ultimately it was it was a boundary that she set. And and I I needed that I needed because many times, especially people have experienced trauma and even those who have not had very porous boundaries and trouble setting them. And so it was I it was a she in many ways saved my life by by drawing that line in the sand for me. And I'm forever grateful to her to to force me to pivot because I'm not sure where I am. Even though I do have that fighter in me, I'm not really sure I was ready to come out swinging, you know, at that point, you know. 

Kelly [00:39:27] Absolutely. And just just the the way you share your story just so powerful because you feel everything. That's what I felt as you were sharing your stories, that you felt every emotion you had and you were OK with it. Even if it felt made you feel uncomfortable, you were OK with letting it feel, making you feel uncomfortable because you knew that at the end of that journey, whether it be a course or whatever, you would be in a better position than you were presently. So one of the things that I think about is Keri and I do change to teach change management. And you really talked about the awareness, your mom creating that sense of awareness and you like I can't continue to support you if you're going to continue to live this way. And then you ultimately having to have the desire, which is the second part of the change model we use called ADKAR. It really is. People want people need to want to make a change in their life in order to effectively change their life. Right. And so when you said that it just resonated on many levels just in the work that we do, but even more importantly, just on the human level, nothing changes if nothing changes. Right, right, and go ahead, sorry. 

Stephanie [00:40:41] No, no, and I cut you off, it's just I love that saying, you know, nothing changes if nothing changes. And and I just and I think a lot of us, we have to to make a change. We just have to get to a point where we're sick and tired of living the way we're currently living. And that's why a lot of people, when they want to change careers, they don't because they they're in many ways too comfortable where they're at and haven't reached that point where it's they're too uncomfortable, you know. You know, they're they're not they're uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough to want to make a change. And so that wanting to is really critical and moving forward, whether it's changing careers or moving forward after a really difficult life experience that wanting to is is important. 

Kelly [00:41:32] Yes, absolutely. And we're just so grateful to you for having shared your story, for your candor, your honesty, and just for the beautiful message that you you give everyone a message of hope that from the trauma that people are experiencing or have experienced, that there is there is a future out there if you want it. And so we definitely encourage everyone listening to connect with Dr. Hutchins, all of your contact information is in the show notes. So we're looking forward to having people reach out to you. And just to learn more about you, certainly read your book. I know I'll be picking up a copy. And we're just, again, incredibly grateful for you being on our show and sharing your story. 

Stephanie [00:42:17] Thank you for having me. 

Kelly [00:42:20] Thank you for listening to the reCHARGE® your Life podcast. Please sign up for our newsletter at Abbracci Group.com. And follow us on social media. You can find us on LinkedIn at Abbracci Group, Instagram at WarriorsofHR and Twitter at Warriors_HR. remember to subscribe to our podcast, leave a review and please tell a friend and be sure to drop us a note on how you are recharging your life. We can't wait to hear from you.