reCHARGE® Your Life

Ep65: Paul Henderson reCHARGED

August 17, 2022 Dr. Keri Ohlrich & Kelly Guenther
reCHARGE® Your Life
Ep65: Paul Henderson reCHARGED
Show Notes Transcript

For many, a trip to the grocery store is a mundane activity. For Paul Henderson, he takes advantage of the time and listens to his favorite podcast, Secret of Success! Paul's love of learning is apparent throughout our episode and his passion for growth is contagious!

Paul is a Dean of Students, sports chaplain, author, and motivational speaker. He is a former track and field athlete at Virginia Commonwealth University. 

Paul blogs at Fatherhood on the Fly, where his slogan is, “We’re learning, we’re growing, and we’re getting better one day at a time.” He uses a combination of encouragement and humor from daily experiences with his boys to inspire dads from different backgrounds to embrace the journey of fatherhood and all that comes with it.

Paul’s first book, Slave No More: Conquering the Master Within, was released January 4, 2022.
 
Paul is married to Kierra, and they have four sons, PJ, Joey, David, and Noah.

Connect with Paul to learn more about him and his background:

Sign up for our newsletter at https://abbraccigroup.com/. Please subscribe, leave a review and tell your friends about our podcast. Learn more about the CHARGE® model by purchasing the book, The Way of the HR Warrior. Let us know about the moments for you that changed your life trajectory. Drop us a note via our website.

Keri [00:00:11] Welcome to the reCHARGE® Your Life podcast with me Dr. Keri Ohlrich and Kelly Guenther. We are thrilled to talk to people who have made a decision that recharges their lives. Often they push themselves out of their comfort zones and took risks. We want to know about that decision point. Why did they make that decision? And most importantly, how can we learn from them? Kelly and I are passionate HR professionals, and together we co-founded our consulting firm Abbracci Group.. We have talked to amazing people throughout our careers and listen to them as they make decisions that change their lives and knew that these inspirational stories would help others. And why did we call it reCHARGE®? It's based on a book I coauthored called The Way of the HR Warrior. And in it we have a leadership model CHARGE which stands for Courage, Humility, Accuracy, resiliency, goal oriented and exemplary. We know that people use one or more of these qualities to help them make their decisions, and we want to learn from them. Now sit back, listen, and be inspired by these stories and then do something to recharge your life. Let's get to it. 

Kelly [00:01:17] Hi, everyone. It's Kelly. We're so excited to have Paul Henderson as our special guest. Paul is the dean of students, sports chaplain, author and motivational speaker. He's also a former track and field athlete at Virginia Commonwealth University. Paul blogs at Fatherhood on the Fly, where his slogan is, We're learning, we're growing and we're getting better one day at a time. He uses a combination of encouragement and humor from daily experiences with his boys to inspire dads from different backgrounds, to embrace the journey of fatherhood and all that comes with it. Paul's first book, Slave No More: Conquering the Master Within, was released January 4th, 2022. Paul is married to Kierra, and together they have four sons PJ, Joey, David and Noah. Paul, thank you so much for being a guest on our podcast. We always like to start by asking what you do when you want to push yourself and expand your thinking. 

Paul [00:02:15] Well, first and foremost, thank you so much. Where for? For having me. I'm thrilled to be here. I'm honored to be I'm honored to be here and to join you on the podcast today. And this is interesting enough, you know, when it comes to if I want to push my thinking or expand and expand my thinking. What podcasts I like to listen to is the Secret to Success, which is with CJ, Karl, Jemal and Eric Thomas. a lot of people are familiar with Eric Thomas and know a lot of motivational talks that he's done or even just clips that he's done. So sometimes if you want that motivation, sometimes if I'm in a grocery store, I'll just turn it on. Because, you know, even even if what they're talking about is not specifically something that I'm dealing with, just the energy, just the intentionality of of of being successful and sometimes helped me to really, quite honestly, it could just get me to think about how I can find a solution with whatever situation I may be dealing with at that time. 

Keri [00:03:20] Thank you. Thank you for joining us. Paul and I, I haven't heard of that podcast, which we, Kelly and I, are so lucky that we get to learn every time we talk to one of our guests about a new podcast. Who do they interview? Like, is it just secrets of success overall? Is it very specific to an industry?  

Paul [00:03:38] Yeah. So I quite honestly, I looked it up because, you know, I've seen some of Eric Thomas's talks and and I've heard, you know, every once why you see a YouTube clip or something on Instagram like, man, you know, whatever you stand right there is something that I needed to hear at this moment in my life. I said, Well, why don't I, you know, why don't I have the podcast? Why don't I look up Eric Thomas to see if he has a podcast? And what do you know, the Secret to Success podcast? So the way they're podcast is really just at least the ones that I listen to. It's really just a conversation between four or five guys. You know, they they're talking, they're laughing, and then somebody will say something and one, you know, why the guys would just go warned about some success principle or their mindset when it comes to dealing with a with a specific issue. Because even though I'm in the education field, I'm an author, so on and so forth, I really think that just having a good mindset is the transferable skill that will help you be successful in whatever area it is in your life. 

Keri [00:04:44] Mm hmm. What? What's the less? I love that you're in the grocery store. You're like, I need a little boost. I'm going to listen to what they have to say. Do you remember the class? Do you remember when you were picking up Cheerios or something? The last one that you listen to that you're like, this one really sticks with me. I love this this nugget that they gave me. 

Paul [00:05:04] Yeah, I think I want to see. One of the last one I listened to was probably visions and decisions. I think that's I think that may have been the one that that it was and it was all about. I remember when the guy's talking about how he was stretching his thinking and, you know, regarding his finances and how he wanted to do more in order to set his family up. Well, you know, he hit certain levels. You know, he overcame certain things. But how can I stress myself? How can I push myself a little further with the skills, you know, that I have? And it was all about not settling. And, you know, so typically when I hear something like that, because I do most of the grocery shopping in my family, so sometimes I'm like, okay, how can I, you know, what can I do? That's that's going to be a productive while I'm getting the Cheerios or whatever it is I'm getting well while the grocery store and, you know, while I'm in there and I'm like, if he's pushing himself in this area, what area of my life can I push myself to be sure that I'm not settling and then I'm that I'm getting all out of life that needs to be gotten out of him. 

Keri [00:06:10] And I love that that message already. I'm like, don't settle. And how can you? Because it's very easy to settle and other people kind of want you to settle sometimes, too. And so how can you keep just that top of mind? That's such a great lesson already, Paul. And I will say, Paul, I see you because you have four boys. I'm thinking you have to grocery cards because how do you that's that's a lot of mouths to feed. 

Paul [00:06:40] Absolutely. And you know what? The bigger they get, it's amazing, the more they eat. I don't know how that works. 

Keri [00:06:48] It does. They need more food. It's weird. Yeah, I would say a lot of people at a feed all the time. Paul Okay, so we could talk about groceries for a while, but we're not going to with Paul. This is not the grocery podcast on clipping coupons, but Paul the big question that we love to ask and I know you're prepared for it, what is the decision that you made or was made for you that changed the trajectory of your life? And what are some of those charge qualities that you use to help you through it? 

Paul [00:07:20] Wow. You know, this this is a story that I always go back to because I'm talking about changing the trajectory of your life. I look back at 2016, that was such a transitional year. My wife and I have been married for five years. At this point I had been with a group called Fellowship Christian Athletes for about eight years, which is where most of my chaplain work was done. Most of my sports chaplain work was done. This was my first job out of college. You know, I was involved with the group while I was in school. You know, that the group with the ministry that really supported me, they really encouraged me during my time in college running track and field at Virginia Commonwealth University. So, so, so when I was wrapping up my, my grad school, getting my master's in teaching, you know, the guy said, Hey, Paul, why don't you have you ever consider coming on staff with a, you know, with FCA? And I was like, not really, you know, I'm going to teach, I'm going to coach track. And that was the trajectory of that that I thought would be most effective. That's where. I wanted to do, and that's what I was going to do. But the more I thought about it, you know, I saw, you know, what, if I work for FCA, I have an opportunity to actually do what I really want to do. I wanted to work with students, but really want to work with athletes because that's best. That's what I relate to. And it's so off that we see how different athletes are, different coaches, you know, in the media they have all of these character flaws or or they're defined by theirs, by their sport and want to come back to that word, you know, when it comes to being defined by a sport and at the same time, I know a lot of athletes who who were just really good dudes or just really good girls. They were they were awesome. And this is something about learning how to use the the platform that you have as an athlete to to really say, okay, this is what I'm I believe this is what God has given me. How can I affect other people's lives, you know, with what I believe, what I believe God, God is giving me? So I saw it as an awesome opportunity. I did that for eight years from 2008 up until 2016. In 2016, it came to a point where I realized just like athletes were being defined by their sport, I realized that I had become defined by my role with FCA. So I have my family here. I mean, in this, I'm about a year removed from doing my first NFL chapel. Somebody had actually asked me, What was your dream job? I said, if I could do a pre-game chapel for my favorite NFL team. I mean, I tell you what, that would be my dream job. Now it comes up, you know, within a year I was actually doing that and I was like, How in the world did I get here? This is awesome. I know who you are. I know who you are and who you are. I didn't let them know, you know, because I didn't come across as a fanboy. They're trying to learn lessons from me. Yeah. Yeah. So. So about a year after that, I'm leaving this group, Fellowship of Christian Athletes that has such an impact on my life. And I realized around the time I had allowed myself to become defined by what I was doing. Paul can come speak here. He can speak to this group. Hey, come do this for us. And I would run because these guys need me. They need to hear what it is I'm talking about. They need to hear this message that that I have. Meanwhile, certain aspects of my family was suffering and so. So what good does it do? You know what what what good am I really doing if everyone out here is is happy ensuring Paul called, Paul put at home. My wife is dissatisfied what was really going going on there. So I'm on this journey. I left FCA and I took a job as a teacher. I was teaching in an alternative school so. So in this alternative school. And I'm like, what in the world have I got myself into though? You know, last year, you know, had NFL guys, professional athletes shaking my hand, talking about how much they got and how much they appreciate the message I'm sharing with them. And then the next year, like nearly a year later, students want to hit me. They're throwing stuff at me. They don't want anything to do with me while I'm trying to give them everything that I'm like, How the heck did I get here? You know? And not only that, it was it was a bit of a pay cut from from what I was making. And then a couple of months after that, you know, H.R. shows up at a school and they they let us know, hey, we have four campuses. Our funding, you know, is a little bit behind. We got to supplement my campus. Now, your campus is the one that's being shut down. And I'm like, You have got to be kidding. I just went FCA I've been teaching for a semester. This is what I thought I would do a lot of teaching. I teach fourth semester. The school system is shut down. My wife and I, we're going through a challenge in our marriage. You know, we have two little boys. She's pregnant with our third, and I don't have a job. So a couple of months after the school shut down, we had we had our baby. And it was a really sweet time because during that time, I was able to be really intentional with my family, intentional with my wife, spending time with my wife, spending time with my boys. And about a month later, a friend of mine, a mentor of mine, came into town and he said, Paul, maybe this time there are some things, you know, you're looking for a job and everything, and that's great. But maybe during this time and, you know, perhaps there's something that you want to do that you just didn't have the opportunity to do. That was the same night I wrote Bobby Was Frustrated, which are the first words in my book, Slave Mom, Work Concrete, a master with it. What I did was I had to learn how to change the view and the quality of the Taj framework. I'll look at resiliency. Okay. I had to learn how to be resilient during that time. I would spend time with my boys in the morning. My wife was she you know, she was on bed rest for a little while. Hey, hey, care. What do you need? How can I support you? I'm going to platform sometimes when apply for excellent jobs for a network and do whatever it is I need to do during the day to be for my family to take care of. And then my writing and my writing. And I'm thinking of ideas. How can I be resilient? You know what? Yes, I'm out of work. But actually, you know, a positive attitude is I actually have a little bit more time to write right now because I don't have to go to the office tomorrow. So I have to learn how to be resilient during that time and that resiliency. I tell you what, I wrote most of the book within the next two months that were the book is inspirational fiction, you know, with with some with some nonfiction story woven through of individuals that I know if they have overcome amazing odds, whether it was things that happened to them that that they couldn't control or situations that that they put themselves in and they chose not to be defined by them, their situations. They chose not to be, quote unquote, enslaved to their past life circumstances. But I said to we write this in a way where where is is acceptable to read or, you know, is the book is actually in a story form. So you actually along with the main character, hey, you could overcome too as you're reading his story, you're you're learning and you're overcoming right along with them. During that time out of work, there was a part of my book I wanted to have a better idea of what's it like in a fire station? Well, being that I didn't have a job, I said, Hey, boys, let's take a trip to the fire station and I'll talk with the firefighters, learn more about the fire. And I called my cousin. She gave me a few ideas about just so that we could make sure that everything within a book made sense. You see, being out of work, having that positive mindset and choosing to be resilient during that time actually changed the trajectory because in 2017, that's when I wrote most of my book, Slave The More Conquering the Master Within. And so I really look at that quality that you all have here. And I look at my story. I'm like, That's the one right there being resilient. That really helped change the trajectory of my life. 

Keri [00:15:24] Wow. It's such a it's so much Paul. It's such a beautiful story. And we need more people who care so much about fatherhood, you know, that we could have a whole podcast on on dads and the importance of dads and especially to their boys. So I love that you get to spend more time and you refocus. Can we go back a little? So for 2016, when you because we have a lot of people who listen and I know there are a lot of hard charging people. We've had quite a few people talk about that moment, Paul, where you're like, Oh, I don't know if this career is as important as like some stuff going on in my life. That's, that's the more important stuff. And so what how did you kind of get that aha moment and how did you get through that shift of leaving? Because you were lauded, right? It's like Paul's here and that's quite a dream. And so how did you go? You know what? We're not I'm not going to do this. I'm going to go to school. Walk us through that a little bit. 

Paul [00:16:25] Right. Right. So so what I did with FCA, there was a lot of fundraising involved. So I actually had the fund had to fund my position and to go out there and meet donors, you know, people, whether it's people within my network or, you know, people from my extended network, you know, whether it's board members or whoever else it was. And they would say, hey, you need to meet this guy Paul. He's doing great things at this school and, you know, consider supporting him, so on and so forth. And we got to a point where we actually had a banquet in May of that year. And I mean, I had a lot of people there and I'm like, okay, I've been a little bit behind in some of my fundraising. And, you know, we're thinking that this will be the banquet that would not only catch up, but it'll give us a little breathing room so that we could just continue to build that, that monthly support, that monthly base. And then I remember after that banquet talking with my supervisor and we're looking at the numbers, we're like, this does not make sense. You know, we're thinking that we would be caught up in the numbers just would not show showing up. Yeah. And I remember I'm talking, you know, just really dealing with it the the that my supervisor at the time, Mike, we still have a great relationship to this day. As a matter of fact, he's a pencil artist and he did actually did the interior drawings for my book. So he's he was the guy that would come to campus when I was at VCU. And to this day, we still we still talk as recently as this week. But I remember during that time just sitting with him and we would look at the numbers and he said, Paul, I don't I don't know what to say. You know, I don't know what to say. And at the time, my wife was she was definitely not not too happy because I didn't say we have to do what's best for our family. And I remember leaving, quite honestly, I was I was headed to my my yearly evaluation meeting with Mike. And we always had this Mexican restaurant that we would always go to, and we still go there to this day. Thank God for a supervisor's right. The fact that we were we still talk to this day, and even though I'm not working together, that shows the strength of our relationship. I remember going to there, and this is just my you know, just my personal belief. And I remember going there and I was praying and I said I literally said, God, I see God let my heart. All I believe I heard was that, Paul, you're you're you're my son, your husband, your father to your boys. Hmm. I, I didn't hear anything about FCA. I didn't hear anything about the speaker. I didn't hear anything about. You're going to make this impact over here as a you're you're you're my son, your husband to your wife. You're a father to your boys. And that was the point. I realized that I had a you know, I had an identity crisis. I had an identity crisis. And I remember talking with a friend of mine who was actually she was a personal friend of mine who who had become a board member. And we were talking and I was letting her know about my meeting with my supervisor. And then she she actually asked me, she said, oh, you know, time it takes at least generally how she said it. She said, why are you why are you staying? You know, she's a board member. She said, why are you why are you staying like this? Do you feel like that if you make a transition or transition or if you you consider something else like what? Why won't you do that? Why won't you really consider and I'm thinking, what? You're a supporter, you're a friend of mine, you're my board. Like, why are we having this conversation? Yeah. And when it came down to On My End, I was dealing with the pride, if you will, and not wanting to be a failure, not wanting to have my lasting legacy with this organization is Paul couldn't do it, do it. And so I really that really began, quite honestly, about a year of just quite honestly rediscovering who am I? Who am I? And but I'll never forget that conversation. And I actually just saw her good friend of mine hurt her husband, really good friends of mine. And I'm just see, they kind of watch my journey now. And her husband, he was one of the people that read my book. And I just, you know, as I was writing it, just as a friend, as as a supporter. And I tell you what I learned during that time, just like I was encouraging the athletes to not have an identity crisis, not being defined by their sport. I could be defined by my work or by the impact that I was making. And I'd say what I'm forever grateful for that time where I had to take a couple steps back. Yeah, I really had to take a couple of steps back and I'm very thankful that time. 

Keri [00:21:07] That is so I just like, you know, we, we do social media for our podcast and I'm like, who am I? That's it that because that is such a great question. And the fact that your answers did not include your career, that that wasn't maybe that was the fourth or fifth thing later on, but it was son, father, husband. Those are the top. And that is a hard question to ask. And then I think it's even harder. And so what's so beautiful about your story? What's even harder is some people can ask themselves that question, Paul, and they go and ignore the answer. Right, right. But actually do anything about it and just dig in deeper on the career and say, well, maybe those things are falling apart. But I'm I am going to have a really great career and that stuff will just fall apart for me. Fine. And so the fact your story of that resiliency and changing your mindset and going through that step, I mean, how incredibly vulnerable of you, how open to feedback and this network of people helping you through it is just so impressive. And I think that resiliency then it sounds like carried through like you were saying after this alternative school and they closed the campus, you had to have another mind shift your mind shift, mind shift of, okay, I'm going to take advantage of this time. I'm going to write a book. So, Paul, were you always like a pretty resilient kid? Like, where do you think that for those of us who struggle with resiliency, where do you think that that comes from? How do you get that? How do you become that resilient as you are? 

Paul [00:22:49] Sure. Sure. So so I think we talked about maybe just before we actually start recording, I'm of the second of six boys, so it may not have started out in the most healthy manner. And I've had to learn how to use that drive, to use that resiliency and in a more or in health in a healthier manner. I really believe it started with just really want to prove myself and making up my mind that I will not be denied. As a matter of fact, I actually changed the story a little bit in my book, but back in 2002, I'm out my my high school track and field team. We had a pretty good that was the best team that I was a part of. And I remember earlier that year I just come off of a surgery and my coach knew how to motivate me. Basically, he would talk trash to me. He would say something that was that was pretty mean or degrading or whatever, but he didn't really mean it. It was his way because he can't respond to it. He knew that I didn't like it and that I'm like, I would have this attitude of Who the heck are you talking to? And our Brian with everything I had and I remember and actually use this example in my book, I'll say no more concrete. And that's to within the I use it with with the main character on his football team. But in reality it happened to me. We were having a practice one day and my coach came to us. He said, You know what? I think we'll do well in the district. I think we have a chance to do well in the region. But on state level, I don't know, he said, because I think we have a good thing going on. But if a man is pulling you the weakest link cause I was like, What? What's stand this in front of my teammates, in front of my relay team and so forth. And my teammates always say, you know, I couldn't stand a coach did that because Paul would just run crazy for for for the rest of practice and they make it harder on us. And and and it's funny, I wasn't even, you know, this coach had a way of of of of making me feel like I was going to that I had the capacity and the potential to go to the Olympics, even though it was the best personal thing, you know. But he knew how to motivate me in that way. But what what happened was. Even though I knew what he was trying to do and it was effective, actually, that thing followed me and I for the longest time, wherever I went, I didn't want to be the weakest link, whether I got the college work on the group project. Now I'm a part of my leadership team at the school that I'm blessed to work at. It's always I want to be the weakest link. So I had to learn how to still have that amount of, you know, a good level of resiliency, but just in a in a healthier manner. Yeah, in a healthier manner. But I really think it started out just not when it missed the mark. Not want to be the weak guy that the weak link in the chain. So it's like how can you have that same resiliency but just in a healthier manner? That's something that's quite honestly, that's that's part that's that's still a work in progress. That's still a work in progress. 

Keri [00:26:00] So so much of our Kelly and I always talk about when we talk with clients and just ourselves, it's like you. There's always something you're working on and it's usually the same thread right throughout your life and it just gets easier to work on it. Like you said, it's easier for you now to have a healthier view of resiliency and that like weakest link. But it's still the same thing you're going to work on. I look at and you have your sons and you're going in. I see it with my son and you go, Yep, that's what you're going to work on all your life. Yeah, right. And it just gets easier and easier and you get smarter and smarter, but if you know how you can help others. And so speaking of helping others, Paul, what is your because I just your story so wonderful what is some of the advice you have for others in when they have when they're facing the question of who am I and like how, what do you tell others and how to get through it and be in such a good place like you are right now? 

Paul [00:26:56] Yeah, that's such a great question. One of the things that I've learned to do and I've I've encouraged others as well, is to have the proper lens, you know, what, what lens are you viewing your situation through? So I had to learn when I was out of work, I went from saying I cannot believe that I was just laid off, you know, from this job, the school, clothes, whatever. I cannot believe that this is happening. And then I had to learn this to say, you know what, at the end of the day, I have more time. So it's the same situation. But I had to change the lens from which I view this situation. So that's one thing that I would say is, is to consider the lens from which you're viewing your situation. And it's sometimes what happens is that you may need someone. And this is something that I'm very big on. But part of Bobby, the main character in my book, the part of his journey throughout my book, is that he has a mentor that's helping him to to to have a proper view of his situation. So that would definitely that would definitely be the second thing it is considering mentor. And what I think of a mentor, I think of someone who is in life where I want to be. I can look at their life, I can identify different things that they have that I want, and I'm able to follow their path of how they got there. You know, it doesn't have to be a physical path pathway. It could be just, you know, whether it's a mindset or just different intangibles. For however, they got to where they are and say, hey, you know, how h how did you get there? And the reality is because I would say, how do you find mentor? The reality is, is there are so many people out there. There's so many people out there who are looking to give. There's so many people out there who are looking to give them like, you know what? I've been successful. I've achieved a thing or two, and then I would really like to give back. And if they're really a wealth, they have a wealth of of of knowledge that they're ready and willing to give. I remember back in December or November, I was speaking at my church and then I asked a question, how many are looking for a mentor? A circle of people raised a hand and then our asset. My follow up question was how many people are in a position where you looking for somebody? Mentor another group, people raise your hand. I'm like, We're in this. We're in this room altogether. And we have people who are looking to be mentors and people who are looking to mentor. We're all here together, but we don't know if you don't ask. So there there is a level of initiative when it comes to finding a mentor that I believe sometimes has to be taken. If you're really adamant about making that change in your life. 

Keri [00:29:41] Such beautiful advice. And I was just thinking mentorship too. It's that you mentioned the mindset of just being even open to it because sometimes you have a very formal like you did at church, you know, like who needs a mentor? Who wants a mentor? And you could have more of a formal. But then sometimes you just run into people in life and if you're open, they tell you something, you're like, Oh my goodness, that's amazing advice. And then I never saw that, but it was this just beautiful moment and you're open to it and you have such a wonderful, open mindset. So I was going to ask Kelly, what about Paul's story really touches you and go, Wow, that was just something I thought of differently today because we listened to Paul's story. 

Kelly [00:30:22] I just think about, in a word, really great. You're just a person who has a lot of determination to figure things out. You may not know the answer, but you'll find it. And you care so deeply about what you have signed up for that it could have been easy for you to quit along the way and just say, I give up, I'm done. But you, you you hung in there because it was important for you to figure it out and because you care so deeply about what it is that you for the for the commitments that you make, they are just that to you their commitments. So I wonder in being an athlete and in taking on the responsibilities that you did, you spoke a lot about resiliency. Did vulnerability come naturally to you because you're very vulnerable in the way that you speak, obviously, on this podcast? But I wonder if that came at an early age to you as well? 

Paul [00:31:20] I think that vulnerability probably started coming when I when I was in college. You know, I remember when I began to learn about being accountable and having an accountability partner. It was it was very uncomfortable at first. So I'm like, you mean somebody actually wants to know my business? I don't know how I feel about it, but but then I realized that the most successful people in different areas of their life I mean, it could be it could be in whatever area, different field, whether it's professional, spiritual, athletic or whatever it is. Just about every single one that I talked to has someone that was holding them accountable, someone that they were allowing it to their life. So that was something that I had to talk to, to work on. So just such a transparent moment. My wife and I, we're in the position now where we're, you know, we're we're looking to buy a house and we're like, does this make sense? And we're trying to figure this out over here, trying to figure out, okay, how does this how do these numbers work? I called a I called the financial planner who I've known for like seven, eight years, actually better. When I else with FCA, I just finished on a chapel, as you know, and I introduced myself to him. He helped me with some fundraising, you know, during my time there. So I've known him for a long time, but I've never asked him, Hey, this is where my financial situation is. And it's amazing that asking him this simple question, there are two things. One, he told me something, said, Paul, you're not behind. And I was like, Oh, my gosh. So just him telling me that it breathed life into me. Second, he gave me answers that were right in front of me that I just didn't see. What if I was not vulnerable? Which, you know, once again, it took me a while to get there. If I if I was vulnerable, I don't know that I would have made the simple changes that he that he suggested that I made, which is, quite honestly, to put my family in a much better position even now. And so that accountability and just that vulnerability, I tell you what, it's almost like it may be a muscle that you have to exercise, you know, here and there, but at the end of the day, it's worth it and it's absolutely worth it. 

Kelly [00:33:35] Oh, so beautiful. And I think what's what really resonates with me too. I mean, you fit definitely all of the church characteristics, the entire church framework. I mean, if there was a model for what charge looks like, I feel like it's Paul Henderson, honestly. Oh, wow. You would be the model for it. Seriously, because it's it's your all of them. Your courage for sure. Just all of the changes, all the adjustments that you made, changing jobs so drastically to taking a pay cut, working from the NFL to going to our school where you work with with, you know, with with kids that are, you know, alternative schools. I mean, we know what those kinds of schools, what you're facing as a teacher, you know, people hitting you and you're giving everything you can and they can't they unfortunately can't see that they're not in the right frame of mind to be able to see it. You know, the humility. You're a very humble person, too, so you're giving yourself in ways that are I don't even think you realize, but you have a very humble quality about you, very humble nature. There's also that that ability that you have to want to do things right and be very intentional about how you're seeking to get information. So it really speaks to the accuracy component. I love that you have goals that you've set for yourself too. You want to get a house, you want all these things for your family, and that speaks to the goal oriented nature of things. And then we spoke, of course, of resiliency quite a bit, and then just this world needs so many role models, and that really speaks to the exemplary feature, too. And so you really are a profile in what it means to be everything that church stands for. So I'm just so humbled to have heard your conversation and your story today, in part because there's so much that we hear in headlines that isn't always great to hear. And this story, I think, really shows that you can really change the way that you view your life. You can have situations that your career is going well. You can be offered a suggestion to look at something different. You can maybe take that path, maybe not take that path or take it. Make a change. Re adjust hear words from a mentor. Start writing that evening the first few words to your book and then, you know, in two months really craft your your your text that you just released this year. Congratulations. I mean, you're just. So amazing. I mean, what amazing feeling to have released your book? Do you have another one that you want to write or is it just one in done? 

Paul [00:36:12] Oh, no, I absolutely have prob likely more than one, not the next one I'm going to write. I thought the first one would go down this path with the first one just took its own path. So hopefully the second one will go a little further. I think the first one sets a good foundation and hopefully the second one is able to to build to build on what we did with the first one. 

Kelly [00:36:36] Hmm. Well, I mean, for me, to Keris point, the quote for me was, you know, God, who am I? You know, that idea of, you know, you're my son, Kierra has been father to your boys and it had nothing to do with all of that. You know, the job, all of that. That gave me goosebumps. And that was the primary message that really resonated with me today as well. And so I'm just grateful to you, Paul, for sharing your story with us and for giving us the opportunity to to share with all of our listeners. So we will go ahead and make sure that you're the link to your book is in our show notes. So everyone has the ability to read it, of course. And my hope is that people will reach out to you for you to be their mentor, because I think that there are many people who would love for you to be a mentor for them on their journey, much in the way that you've sought out mentors that have helped you become who you are today. So we're so grateful to have had you on our podcast. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us now. 

Paul [00:37:44] Thank you so much. Thank you so much for it for your for your kind words that they mean more than me. More than you, know. 

Kelly [00:37:50] Absolutely. Thank you, Paul. Thank you for listening to the Recharge Your Life podcast. Please sign up for our newsletter at Abbracci Group.com. And follow us on social media. You can find us on LinkedIn at Abbracci Group. Instagram at WarriorsofHR and Twitter at Warriors_HR. Remember to subscribe to our podcast. Leave a review and please tell a friend and be sure to drop us a note on how you are recharging your life. We can't wait to hear from you.